


hold me in the dark

by Crystallinee



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Number Five | The Boy, slight fiveya, welcome to angst town! and vanya's trauma recovery center!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25981492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallinee/pseuds/Crystallinee
Summary: The girl from his past, the girl that kept him going for all those years, during those sharp, terrible days and nights – where was she? The girl whose words he carried around and protected vehemently, in the book that never left his side – if she died before her time, then what was all that for?In which Vanya arrives in Dallas and remembers what she has done. Five is not going to repeat his old mistakes – he's in her orbit again and this time he's not leaving his course.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 21
Kudos: 187





	hold me in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in this fandom. Based on the TV series.

He finds her in a cornfield, having barely survived the swedes with an inch of her life. The relief of seeing her again overshadows everything. This is her chance to start over. Five is not going to repeat his old mistakes – he's in her orbit again and this time he's not leaving his course.

It's easy for them to fall into the same old patterns. He's leading the way when they're heading to find Luther, she's following quietly behind him. He speaks up for them both and when she's unsure of something she instinctively moves closer to him as she would in their childhood if Grace was not present. She's not even aware of it, her gaze is focused on something far away, but he notices. She still trusts him, and he likes it.

Pushing himself to the brink of his patience, worn thin enough after the chaos of the recent weeks, he tries to make her feel like a part of the family, to make her understand how important she is, has always been – but she stares at him with confusion and hurt in her clear eyes. She's sitting in her car, refusing to go with him to meet the others, and he doesn't have it in him to stop her when she says she's going back to the farm.

Maybe it's already too late. Luther, the imbecile, told her what exactly caused the impending doomsday.

Her gaze is deeper than he remembers, enhancing the look of innocence on her face. She's so young at heart, and he's an old harrowed soul desperately trying to keep her and the others safe despite their constant refusal to cooperate. Despite her confusion, her determination rivals his own – he can see all his past mistakes reflecting in them. Timid, shy little Vanya is no more.

She's the most dangerous being on the planet, a threat even to him.

They stare at each other for another moment and he wonders if her life is a little easier to bear right now, when she doesn't remember the pain of what she has been through – or if it's already ruined by their brother's words. He wishes he had more time, to really sit down with her.

He lets her go, for now.

He doesn't hear from her in the following days, and while he has been occupied with other matters and rounding up the rest of group, she's always somewhere in his mind, poking him for attention. He sends Luther to get her for their family meeting and when his brother comes back empty-handed, he can't focus on anything else.

This time he will not let her slip away so easily, while he's busy dealing with his idiotic siblings, mediocre assassins, Commission drones, presidents or other unimportant matters. For once, she's his priority. He finds out that she has left the farm after going there and impatiently interrogating the woman who lives there, an uptight, shaky thing who's also concerned about Vanya, but more so about her husband and child.

He goes back to tracking the sound waves on the atmosphere radar, watching it obsessively.

Something must have happened for her to abandon the only safety she had, that family she had grown so attached to. A more urgent impatience tears at him – the assassins are still out there and Vanya is not in control of her powers yet. He spots the blast of energy, at last, a cloud that fills the screen.

He finds Vanya in an abandoned house not far from the farm. The garden is covered by icy shards crunching underneath his shoes, the sky dark and hovering, clouds piling up on the horizon. He jumps inside, looking for her with an increased hurry.

He calls her name and she turns to him, her irises white and her face empty.

* * *

She's standing completely still, underneath something so heavy she can barely move. The pain washes over her in waves, from her fingertips to her toes and all she can see is their faces. They're all looking at her, her siblings, her adoptive father and robot mother and she knows she has failed them. She _is_ the Apocalypse.

She remembers, and it tears at her insides. The realization sits in her chest like sharp shards. It has been working its way back into her consciousness ever since Luther's remark.

Reaching for the watery surface above her in her mind, pushing with her fingertips, it turns to hard glass and her desperate pushing only hurts her hands. Her head aches and throbs, the sounds around her press on her eardrums and she feels like screaming.

She hears his steps before he calls out her name and for a moment the blinding image wavers.

Five is standing in the other end of the room. His face is twisted with something she doesn't recognize. The sight of him makes the room come into focus again, and she struggles to find her voice. It barely sounds like her own.

"Leave."

He doesn't move. They watch each other from across the room, silently measuring the competition. Vanya feels her shoulders tense, she's withdrawing into herself, and watches the way he watches her.

"I'm here to help you, Vanya." Something in his face has softened but his gaze is still sharp. He's not letting down his guard. She wishes she could tell him to go, but the words won't leave her lips. She feels the energy pulsate around her, withdrawing slightly into her chest.

"Please, Five, just go," she whispers at last, struggling to force the sound from her lips, but she feels as if she's going to die if he disappears. _Don't leave me like this._

"Vanya. Listen to me." He's approaching her, shoulders hunching up. "We'll help you, but you need to come with me."

" _Leave me alone_!" It's easy to let herself go, to let the energy fan out into the room like a deadly blow. The force bursts from her chest, she hears the windows shake and then a crushing sound as the shards fly across the room.

"I have _nothing_!" She hears herself screaming, voice hoarse and cracking. "Go back to where you came from, Five."

He moved from the blast in time by jumping, now he appears in the other corner of the room, watching her, and his face is twisted with that strange expression again. She pants, feeling the energy pull back into her chest, still hovering around her body, ready to strike.

"I don't want to hurt anyone. I'll hurt you if you don't go."

Before she has time to react he materializes right in front of her, gaze locked on hers.

"I know you were alone for a long time. So was I. I know what that does to you, Vanya."

The familiar numbness is cracking quickly at the edges, but now it's just empty, still like rain – the explosive force of it is gone. His voice helps her regain her grasp on her composure, for a moment.

"You weren't alone," she snaps back. "You had someone. You said... her name was Delores."

A muscle clenches in his jaw, a hint of something in his eyes before he focuses on her again. His voice sounds different – no hint of her arrogant, self-assured brother. He looks shaken to the core, but she can't focus on that.

"It's not the same. She's gone now."

"I've been alone ever since you left -" Vanya stutters and now the walls crack, tears burn in her eyes and her vision gets blurry. The violent wave of sound is lingering just behind her, waiting for any emotion to overflow, but she's trying her hardest to keep it in. Five is standing too close and she's terrified of hurting him – of hurting anyone.

"I know." He looks her straight in the eyes, never turning them away like her other siblings did. She doesn't understand why his voice is so soft, after all that she has done. "I'm here to make that right, Vanya."

Her knees go weak and she sinks to the floor, curling up. With her teeth clattering together she gasps for air.

"I've already ruined everything."

Five slowly sits down next to her with his legs crossed. She leans against him, sobbing into his coat, struggling to get air into her lungs, and he waits.

He puts one arm around her small, trembling shoulders, an instinctive gesture – something he used to do long ago. He strokes her hair slowly, with a gentleness he didn't know he had – he has not touched anyone like this for so long. But it feels natural having his hand cupped around the back of her head. Even in this teenaged body, Vanya feels so light and small in his arms.

He had forgotten how the texture of her hair felt, running his fingers through it. It's coarser now than when they were kids, when it was shiny and long and he used to brush it out of her face just to see her cheeks turn pink.

She looks up at him, with an expression that always does something to him – he can't place it, but it makes his chest clench and he doesn't know what to do.

When her breathing comes easier and her trembling has ceased, she speaks. Her voice is quiet but determined. "You have to kill me. I'm the cause of the Apocalypse."

"No." He glares at her, grabbing her shoulders. "No, Vanya. We'll solve this."

"It's for the best, Five. You know it too." She's detached now; he can barely reach her. Her eyes are strangely calm and her body has gone slack. She has already accepted her fate, looking at him with the faintest hint of a smile on her lips. Sweet, selfless Vanya. "At least you're here with me. I won't be alone."

His blood boils at this. She almost slides out of his arms when he straightens up a little, gritting his teeth.

"No. We will fix you."

"If I lose control again, you'll have to kill me anyway," she insists with that same detached voice. "I'm a monster. I don't deserve to live." The emotions are slipping through; tears gathering in her eyes again. "I almost killed Allison. I – I killed Pogo. I'm a murderer."

"Oh, you're not the only one."

Her eyes flutters shut as if she's already dying.

"No," he snarls, shaking her until she opens her eyes. "Tell me, Vanya. What do you want? I'll take you back to that farm, whatever. Just cut it out."

She puts her hands on his arms and leans closer to him. Five's taken aback again, feeling her breath fanning across his face. She looks so broken. "Please, Five."

The girl from his past, the girl that kept him going for all those years, during those lonely, sharp, terrible days and nights – where was she? The girl whose words he carried around with him and protected vehemently, in the book that never left his side – the silent girl on the front cover and the lonely woman on the back – if she died before her time, then what was all that for?

The childish face of the young teenager he left behind and the numbed adult woman he returned to had followed him everywhere.

Now, she was unblinking, begging him to put her out of the fate she was born with – and a part of him that never wanted to see her suffer wanted to humor her. Then anger flashed through him; she shouldn't have to pay for what other people did to her.

"I don't want to be alone," she says quietly, her brown eyes captivating him like so many times before. "I know I don't deserve it, but... stay with me for a little while, before you do it – please. Don't tell me when you do it."

"Vanya," he snarls again, and she leans closer until there are only a few inches between them. His own heart beats faster. He wants to pull back, this is not the right time for his.

"Just stay for a little while," Vanya whispers, her voice almost inaudible. She closes her eyes again and her head falls forward. He's frozen in place as her head slumps over his shoulder and she's pressed against him.

He cradles her limp body in his arms, adjusting her slightly to lean her head against his shoulder.

He will always be orbiting around her like a planet around the sun, even if she won't let him come too close. He will never be able to wipe the slate clean when it comes to his past, and neither can she. Her second chance at life never happened. It will follow them for the rest of their lives, the blood on their hands.

"You know," he begins, not sure if he's speaking to himself or to her. "You're the reason I'm back here. I would have stayed at the Commission for the rest of my time. You're the reason I decided to make things right and return. Everything you wrote - I wanted to be there and see it for myself when I came back."

He almost smiles, bitterly. He would have survived the apocalypse all alone, but without her book and her thoughts to keep him company, what would have been left of him other than a cold, bitter old man? An old man who had nothing left, not a single link to his humanity, without anything to return to.

He strokes some hair away from her cold face, fingertips brushing her cheek. "You're the reason the world is still standing right now." Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but she deserves to hear it.

She mumbles something, seemingly stuck in a feverish dream. He watches her face intently, marked by exhaustion and stress, unable to look away from her. "You are our sister and a member of the Umbrella Academy. You have us, Vanya. I will not let you die."

He holds on to her as the shadows creep into the room and the last daylight fades into darkness.

Their siblings arrive eventually, when one of them managed to get the brilliant idea to come looking for them. Allison is the first to rush over to their side, pulling Vanya into her arms and Luther and Diego are not far behind. They all stop to take in in the damage surrounding them, shattered glass like snow on the ground, pieces of the roof torn apart.

Luther carries Vanya to the car with Allison close by. Five follows. Vanya looks oddly peaceful.

Maybe things will be different, this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Love to know what you think!


End file.
